and maybe this us thing never really fades
by dreamerslikeus
Summary: Nate has alot to make up for, but that doesn't mean he's given up hope. Spoilers up to 'Gaslit'
1. this us thing never really fades

He finds her at Blair's two days after she gets out of Ostroff. He doesn't know what to say at first, but he figures he's just one of many that have formed a line to beg for her forgiveness. He's sure that she's furious with him, may even hate him, and he hates himself for that. He should have trusted her, should have looked in her eyes and known she was telling them the truth. Now he has to find a way to make things right, because even if they can't be together, Nate knows he can't loose Serena as a friend. He takes a deep breath as he knocks on her bedroom door, and hears her give him permission to come in.

"S."

He opens the door to her room to find her sitting on her bed staring down at a book in her hand. Her golden hair is falling around her face, and he swears she's never looked more alive and beautiful.

She looks up at him with a forced smile, "Nate, hey."

"So, guess I should just get this out of the way…" He begins sticking his hands in his pockets and dropping his head, "I suck, seriously I do."

"Yeah, you kinda do," she nods with a tiny smile. "Go on…"

"I'm sorry," he says finally walking over to the bed. He lowers his head again and rubs the back of his neck with his hand as he lets out a long breath, "For not believing you, for thinking you had fallen back into old patterns, for not being there for you when you needed me. I was a jerk, like a really big jerk, and I'm sorry…."

"Nate?" Stop saying you're sorry," she smiles.

"But I am." He sighs. "Like you have no idea how sorry," he adds. "I'm sorry I didn't visit you at Ostroff, or stay longer at the hospital…"

"You're not the only one," she whispers. "No one believed me, well no one but Dan…"

"Yeah Dan," he nods. "Guess you picked the right guy after all…" He frowns.

It hurts, deep down it hurts, knowing she cares more about Dan. He gets it in a way, but still, she's suppose to be his Serena, and even though Dan is one of his best friends, it doesn't mean he thinks he should have _his_ girl.

"Wait how did you know about that? Did Dan tell you…" She begins.

"No, Dan mentioned it to Eric, and Eric mentioned it to Chuck and well Chuck told me…" Nate laughs bashfully.

"Did Chuck also tell you that even though I had picked Dan, I decided that right now I just want some me time?"

"No, he failed to mention that part…" Nate speaks trying to hide the relief that has suddenly filled him.

"Yeah, Dan seems okay with it though," she shrugs. "He's out right now with Blair, trying to get revenge on all the people that wronged me," she says with a sad smile. "I'm not supposed to know that though…."

"You're not supposed to know?"

"No, but Dan told Eric and Eric let me in on the plan."

"Dan and Blair working together? That's scary!"

"Yeah…" Serena nods. "So, you want to stay for awhile?" She asks after a second. "We could watch movies, or something."

"Does that mean you forgive me?" Nate asks tilting his head and giving her a hopeful smile.

"Only if you promise to never doubt me again," Serena nods.

"Never again," Nate promises. "Seriously, I'm so sorry S. I should have believed you, I know you, know you enough to know to believe you….."

"It was a crazy night, I'm not even sure I would have believed me... I almost didn't believe me actually.."

"You're not that person anymore and even when you were you were still amazing," Nate smiles.

"You can stop sucking up now, I've forgiven you already," Serena laughs.

"I'm just telling the truth," Nate smirks. "You are amazing Serena…"

"So does that mean you're not mad at me for picking Dan?" She frowns.

"I'm not mad," he sighs. "I'm not happy about it, and I think my pride has been shot a bit," he smirks, "But I get it, even though I still think I'm the better choice," he jokes looking away as he lets out a short laugh.

"Natie, It wasn't some easy choice honest," she sighs. "It's just.. with you, I don't know, I'm scared," she shrugs. "I'm not sure what I'd do if I lost you and if we tried again and it didn't work, and we were angry again… I just need you in my life…."

"You have me in your life," Nate smiles. "Always in your life, no matter what."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"And Dan, I can't explain it, it just all felt unfinished or something… I mean I don't know, how do you pick between the two most amazing guys in New York?" She smiles.

"Well we are pretty awesome," Nate agrees with a chuckle.

"Yes, yes you are," Serena nods.

"You know I don't think it's over with us," Nate shrugs honestly. "Maybe this _us_ together thing is own a break or something, but it's not over."

"No?" Serena asks biting her lip.

"No."

"Maybe not," she nods. "Blair says we're destined for a Ken and Barbie wedding someday," she chuckles.

"Blair is a smart girl," Nate laughs. "You should listen to her about that."

"But we're not Ken and Barbie…" Serena smirks.

"No, because you're way hotter than Barbie," Nate nods. "So… After you have your 'me' time, are you going back to Dan?"

It comes out sadder than he means for it too, but still he has to ask, needs to know what to prepare for. He can be her friend, he can go through the motions, but at the end of the day, he's still going to love her.

"I don't know… Everyone wanted me to make a choice, and I did, and I care about Dan, and he was here for me when I needed him, still is, but I can't say for certain that we're going to be together."

"Whatever you decide, I'll still be here," Nate smiles.

"Yeah? So how about a day of movies and relaxing?" She asks patting a place on the bed beside her.

Nate smiles, "I think that would be awesome."

"Hey," she grins sheepishly. "Look under my bed."

"What?" He asks with wide eyes.

"Just do it," she giggles.

He just nods and does what she's says, because she's Serena and that's how it's suppose to go. He finds a box under the bed full of junk food, and he can't help but let out a laugh. "I think I found your food stash!"

"Blair tries to throw all my good food out," she giggles. "So now I have to hide it from her."

He just shakes his head as he hands her the box and slides up on the bed beside her. "You better have Pop-Tarts in that thing," he grins."

"Of course, and Reese Cups, and Snickers mini's and Skittles and…"

"I get the point," Nate snorts grabbing a Reese Cup out of her hand. "This is turning out to be the perfect day," he laughs he wraps his arm around Serena and she snuggles up to him.

Just holding her again, feeling her against him, somehow gives him a tiny flickering of hope. She smells like peaches, sweet and tangy and so perfectly Serena and he swears he could hold her like this until the end of time.

"Natie," she whispers as she turns on the television. "While I'm doing this whole _me_ thing, can we be '_us'_ again?" She asks in a childlike voice. "You know this _us_."

"Yeah," he nods kissing her temple gently. "I think that's a great idea."

"K, cause I miss the real us, the hanging out, eating junk food, and acting like kids us," she smiles.

"I miss that too S, so so much."

"No one gets that part of me like you do," she speaks quietly. "They think it's immature…"

"That's just because they don't understand."

She smiles against him, her eyes sparkling again and he can't help but think that one day, it's going to be like this forever. He refuses to believe that this isn't suppose to be how things are meant to be. Dan is a great guy, but one day, someday, he won't be the right guy. Nate knows he isn't the smartest guy, but he knows things, knows that if he gives it time, and just waits, things will work out the way they're suppose to. He has loved Serena too long to give up now, so if he has to wait a little longer, if he has to spend a little more time watching movies, and just hanging out to get there, Nate can't help but think that he's perfectly okay with that.


	2. I've got another riddle for you

A/N: Orginally I was just going to post this chapter and a couple more as more or less stand-alones and follow ups.. But after writing this one I decided they seemed more like chapters... So here we are lol... The next one will be told in Blair's POV...

Serena thinks her life is finally getting back on track. No one is hiding in the bushes trying to ruin her anymore and it feels good. She gets back into school, proves what really happened, and lets the world know that she isn't some screwed up, drugged out princess that is incapable of change. She's happy, like really happy, and she thinks maybe it's partly because of the people in her life.

Everyone seems to feel terrible that they didn't believe her. She finds it amusing to see the people that she cares about practically groveling at her feet. Okay, maybe not groveling, but there has been lots of apologizing, and Blair did buy her a pair of really amazing shoes, so yeah, it's all been kinda nice.

"This movie is horrid! How did those weird orange creatures not terrify you two as children?" Blair suddenly pipes up snapping her from her thoughts.

"Weird orange creatures?" Nate asks with large eyes. "Seriously Blair? You didn't go there! Serena and I have watched this movie every year since we were like five… It's tradition."

"You two obviously need to find a new tradition then, because this movie is simply dreadful."

Nate's mouth is open wide and Serena can't help but find it amusing that he is so appalled at Blair's words. "This movie is awesome!"

"Nathanial are you high again? Obviously you must be if you honestly believe that."

"Blair!" Nate huffs. "This movie is great, seriously great!"

Serena lets out a giggle as she hides her head on Nate's shoulder. When Blair had found out that she and Nate were planning to watch one of their favorite movies, she had insisted that they watch it with her in her bedroom. It would give them 'bonding' time, she had smiled as she ushered them into the room.

"I just don't understand how the two of you can consider this quality entertainment!"

"It's Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, Blair," Serena snorts, "How can you not like it?"

"She called the Oompa Loompa's orange creatures," Nate sighs, "I think we should take offense!"

"I just don't like it when they sing at me!" Blair shudders. "I seriously feel as if they are insulting me."

"What do you if your kid is a BRAT…." Nate sings under his breath with a smirk on his face.

"Oh shut up Archibald."

Serena smiles gently as she watches her two friends argue. Nate is laughing loudly at the look of disgust on Blair's face, and Serena can't help but think that this is just what she needs. She's been doing this whole me thing for a couple weeks now. She hangs out with her friends, goes to school, and just enjoys stress free life. It's not much different than before, except she isn't always worrying about what guy to like, love or even want.

Dan has been okay with the whole no dating thing. She's just not sure how he's taking the fact that she has been spending more time with Nate, than with him. She really doesn't understand it herself, because in all honestly she did pick Dan, wanted Dan, but now, now that she's reconnected with Nate, things are just different. It's not that she's even doing it on purpose, she thinks as she hears Blair shriek at something Nate has just said. It's just that it's Nate that she instantly calls at two in the morning because she just _knows_ that he's watching the same silly movie that she is and she has to have someone to talk to about it. It's Nate that she drags to her favorite toy store, because seriously who else would enjoy it as much as she does? Doing things with Nate lately has just made sense, because maybe, she didn't realize how much she missed him until she really had him back again.

"Seriously Blair, chill out, relax, watch the movie with us," Nate sighs.

"I have obviously been making an attempt to do just that thank you very much," Blair huffs.

"Blair, we told you what we were watching before you made us come in here," Serena smiles. "I warned you that it might not be something you'd like."

"I didn't think it would have little orange men singing and dancing in it! How do you not find this creepy?"

"I find the new version creepy!" Nate sounds out. "Johnny Depp really freaks me out in it, plus the Oompa Loopma's all look the same and the songs suck!"

"It really was a disappointment," Serena agrees.

"You two are so juvenile," Blair grunts climbing off the bed. "I have got to get out of here before my IQ drops because of this…this… garbage on my screen."

"Sorry Blair, next time we'll let you pick the movie," Nate smiles.

"Don't worry Nathaniel, next time I'll insist," Blair speaks with knowing smirk as she walks out of the room.

Serena let's out a giggle as the door slams behind Blair. She falls against the bed, her head hitting the pillow as she looks over at Nate. "Do you think we'll ever be as mature as Blair?"

"Do you want to be as mature as Blair?" Nate asks with a laugh.

"No, it doesn't seem much fun." Serena nods.

"She's been like this her whole life," Nate nods. "Do you remember that time she got furious at us for the snowball fight?"

"Yes! You smacked her upside the head with a giant snowball, and then I hit Chuck with two, and they called us uncivilized barbarians?" She giggles.

"Yeah, we were what ten?" Nate laughs loudly.

"Something like that. It was so much fun." Serena claps.

"Yeah it was."

"Tonight's going to be fun too!" Serena adds sitting up again.

"Ice skating?" Nate asks with a grin.

"Yes! I bought a new outfit for it and everything."

"Seriously? I did too!" Nate speaks, his tone serious.

She looks at Nate, watches as his eyes sparkle and smiles, "Really?"

"No, but Chuck did suggest that I buy one," he laughs.

"Natie!" She laughs smacking him on the arm, "I almost believed you!"

"Oh you totally believed me!" Nate smiles.

"Maybe…."

"Well, to make up for it, I'll take you for hot chocolate after we go skating," Nate offers.

"With extra whip cream?" Serena asks batting her eyelashes at him teasingly.

"Is there any other way?" Nate asks.

"Of course not!"

He smiles at her, his eyes twinkling as he pulls her to him and wraps her in his arms. Serena hears Nate sigh contently and she closes her eyes breathing in his scent. She knows they are more than just friends, always have been really, but their not together, not in _that_ way anyway. They just kinda have this _thing_, this understanding that no one else gets. It's something Serena can't loose, because it means everything to her, especially now.

"The Oompa Loompa's are not weird," she hears Nate mutter beside her.

"Hmm?" She looks over at Nate and sees his eyes fluttering closed. He's always had a habit of rambling just before he sleeps. It's just one of the things that she finds so adorable about him.

"Blair. She said they were weird."

"Blair's weird," she smiles lazily.

He looks at her with hazy eyes and smiles gently. "Yeah, has no taste in movies."

"Nope, none," she smiles. "So, nap time?" She asks curling up against him.

"Umm hmm," he speaks closing his eyes. "Got up too early."

"Sorry. My fault," she whispers. "I called too early again."

"No, never too early to talk to you."

She smiles as she watches him slowly slip away into his own little dream world. She closes her own eyes as she feels him pull her closer to him gently wrapping his arms around her. Maybe they're the weird ones she thinks as she rests her head on his chest. They're not normal, this 'them' that they have created makes no sense really, but she loves it, needs it, and she's not letting it go.


	3. cause we all know I'm always right

Sometimes Blair thinks her friends are complete idiots. She doesn't mean that as an insult of course, it's just that she is smarter than most of the people she knows. She watches them live their lives and she can't help but wonder why they don't see the things she does. If they'd just listen to her, do as she says, she's sure they'd all live happier lives.

She watches as Serena walks down the stairs wearing a red sweater dress, black leggings and knee length black boots, and smiles, "Going somewhere with Nate again?"

Serena looks up startled and smiles, "Oh Blair, I didn't see you there! No, not right now, I'm having coffee with Dan," she speaks.

"Oh." Blair nods. "Dan."

"Yes Blair, Dan," Serena smiles knowingly. "I haven't really been spending much time with him lately."

"And that is a bad thing?" Blair asks. "You've seemed rather happy lately…with Nate," she adds at the end with a smile of her own.

"Blair, you know we are just friends," Serena begins.

"I know no such thing S," Blair speaks crossing her arms.

"Well we are."

"Maybe you shouldn't be _just friends_ with Nate," Blair suggests eyeing her best friend. "Honestly, I don't know when I've saw either of you, so over the moon happy. I just think maybe it's time to forget the past and give your relationship another try."

"I'm not interested in dating anyone right now B," Serena shrugs. "And if it makes you feel any better, I'm hanging out with Natie tonight," she smiles. "We're going bowling with some of his friends from Columbia, I think it will be a lot of fun!"

"Bowling? How delightful," Blair speaks with a sigh.

"You know Blair, you should go with us," Serena suddenly smiles. "Nate has a couple of single friends that are really cute."

"Not interested."

"Fine, I'll just go have all the fun without you," Serena laughs.

"That's perfectly fine with me."

Serena shrugs her shoulders and looks at her phone, "I've got to get going if I'm going to meet Dan on time. He hates when people are late."

"Of course, we wouldn't want to keep Humphrey waiting," Blair nods rolling her eyes.

"B, I thought the two of you had worked things out?"

"I don't detest him any longer, I would call that a vast improvement," Blair shrugs.

"B…."

"I just don't understand what you could possibly find so charming about Dan Humphrey, but if you feel the need to rush off and have coffee with him, then by all means go," Blair speaks waving her hand toward the door.

She watches as Serena rolls her eyes and then smirks, "I'll see you tonight Blair."

Serena heads off out the door and Blair lets out a frustrated groan. She simply will never understand how Serena's mind works. "One day she's going to see that I'm right," she mutters. "One day."

* * *

It's hours later when she finds Nate sitting on Serena's bed watching television. There is no Serena to be seen, but Nate doesn't seem to be upset. She watches him from the doorway and smiles. She remembers when she thought he was her prince charming. She had firmly believed that he was her future, and together they would have the perfect life. It was silly, now that she looks back on it, because it's obvious that Serena is the only girl that has truly owned Nate's heart.

"Are you taking up residency in my home now Nathaniel?" She asks as she enters the room with a smile.

"Blair, hey, no, I'm just waiting on Serena."

"Theme of your life I suppose," Blair seems with a smirk.

His eyes become wide for a moment, and then he lets out a sigh, "It's not like that Blair."

"Isn't it?"

She walks over to the bed and sits on the edge as Nate flips the television off, and looks over at her. "No, we're friends, just friends."

"Which is possibly the dumbest thing ever," Blair smiles. "The two of you will never be just friends Archibald."

"But we are, Waldrof," Nate speaks back sarcastically.

"This is me Nate, I'm not stupid. You've loved Serena you're whole entire life. You loved her when we were kids, you loved her when you were with me, and you love her right now," she speaks staring him in the eyes.

"You don't think that I already know this Blair?" He says finally letting out a breath. "Yes, I love Serena, I don't know how to _not_ love Serena okay? It's part of me, she's part of me, and even when I try, I can't let it go."

"And you would do anything for her, correct?" Blair asks.

"Of course I would."

"Then continue to do what you're doing," she smiles. "Be her friend, play the part just as you are, and in the end, you will win."

"Win? Blair, this isn't a competition, and even if it was, I've already lost, when Serena had to decide, she picked Dan, and why shouldn't she? He knew her better than I did apparently!"

"One time Nate, one time Dan Humphrey guessed that Serena was telling the truth. He hasn't seen all the things we have, he hasn't been there, so it's easy for him," she speaks with force in her voice. "_Our_ Serena, she's been through so much, she's done so much," she adds with a frown, "And Humphrey will never understand our doubt and fears, because he isn't one of us, he doesn't understand where we've been with her."

She sees something change in Nate as he sits up on the bed and nods, "I don't want to let her go Blair," he whispers.

"Then don't," Blair smiles. "Just keep doing what you're doing and let Dan ruin things for himself. Humphrey is nothing if not predictable," she adds. "He's going to get tired of this back and forth. He doesn't like to share, and he can't possibly like the fact that she unchose him."

"And?"

Blair rolls her eyes, "Must I explain everything to you? He's going to make her choose again, it's only a matter of time. She spends most of her time with you, and that can't sit well with him. Let the jealously get the best of him, and when he demands that she decide between the two of you, she'll come running to you, grateful that you let her do things her way."

"It's scary how your mind works," Nate speaks shaking his head in disbelief. "I just, I don't want Serena to think that I'm being underhanded."

"You're not," Blair shrugs. "You are simply letting things run there course. The two of you belong together Nate, always have."

"I know, trust me I know we should be together," Nate nods. "I would do anything for her! The last few weeks have been so awesome! I mean, when we're together, I _know_ it's how things should be. I just don't get why she can't see that."

"She does, she's just Serena, and sometimes, she's too stubborn for her own good."

"Who is stubborn?"

Blair looks up as Serena walks into the room with a bright smile on her face, "You," Blair smiles. "I was telling Nate, that I tried to talk you out of bowling tonight, but you're just too stubborn to listen to me."

"She thinks it's too normal," Serena laughs.

Blair turns back to Nate and sees that his eyes are bright at just the sight of Serena. Blair knows after just once glance at Nate, that the poor boy is so far gone, he can't be helped. He loves Serena, much like she loves Chuck, in a way that can't be denied, no matter much it's attempted. "I have more important things to do tonight."

"Such as?" Serena asks.

"A meeting with Chuck, to discuss some….things," she speaks.

"Chuck?" Nate grins. "Does that mean?"

"It means nothing, don't even let your mind wander there," she frowns.

"It's kinda hard not too B," Serena shrugs.

"Chuck and I are perfectly capable of being in alone together without anything romantic happening," Blair huffs.

"It's not always romantic…" Nate smirks.

Blair rolls her eyes, "You can be so crude! Honestly S, sometimes I wonder how you put up with him!"

She watches as Serena looks at Nate and then smiles brightly, "It's really not that hard.."

"Because I'm amazing?" Nate asks with a grin.

"Well yeah, there is that," Serena nods.

"And adorable right?" Nate nods.

"Natie, we all know you're way more than adorable," Serena giggles.

"Well yeah, but I hate to brag, takes away some of my charm," he winks.

"You two are impossible!" Blair says turning on her heel as she heads to the door.

"You still love us!" Serena sings out at her causing her to roll her eyes at them before she walks out of the room. Once outside the room she peeks back in and smiles brightly as Serena encircles Nate in a gigantic bear hug. She watches as a smile spreads across Nate's face and his eyes brighten. She knows it's all just a matter of time. Serena and Nate, Chuck and Blair, someday it will all work out for all of them. It's the way things are suppose to go, the way they _will_ go, because she's Blair Waldrof and this is all part of her plan.


	4. yeah this isn't awkward at all

Apparently, I accidently forgot to hit save when I removed this from Complete to In-Progress... But this story is still In-Progress, sooo, sorry about that.. This chapter, is Nate's POV again..Hope you enjoy and, thanks so much for all the awesome feedback so far!

* * *

Nate has always known that Serena was perfect, perfect for him that is. He knows she's not the most perfect girl in the world, but that works, because he's far from perfect himself. It's just that, they work together, in a way that he doesn't work with other girls. She makes him feel happy, and real, and safe, and excited, and a lot of other adjectives that Blair uses that he really doesn't understand. She's just Serena, and it has always been enough for him, because his being Nate, has always been enough for her.

And really, he's doing okay with this whole friend thing. He gets that it's something he has to do, and he can handle that. The truth is, it's better than what he deserves, or expected, so he's cool with going with it. He's just glad, that she undid the whole picking Dan thing, because now, he thinks maybe he has a real shot again. Still there are times, like this morning, when they came back to his place at 3 a.m. after a concert and she insisted on sleeping over, that being _just_ Serena's friend, isn't all that easy.

He's in his bed, watching her sleep, and all he can think about is how this could be so, so perfect. She's wearing his favorite pajama pants, and the Giants shirt he bought a few weeks back when they went to watch them play. Her hair is falling around her face and she looks like a sleeping angel. He could watch her forever, because there is nothing more beautiful, than the girl splayed out beside him. He yawns and sits up in the bed, letting his feet hit the floor as quiet as possible. If he is going to have any chance of staying awake today, he needs to start on his caffeine _now_.

As he walks to his door, he looks back at her; at a sight he's seen so many times before and sighs. Serena is hugging his pillow, sleeping sound, and all Nate can think, is that this should be a permanent thing again.

He stretches his arms as he walks out of the room, and lets out another tired yawn.

"I take it Serena slept over Nathaniel?"

His head jerks up and he sees Chuck sitting in front of him in a bright crimson and purple robe, holding a scotch in his hand. "Yeah, we came in late from the concert."

"I see." Chuck nods.

"No you don't," Nate sighs shaking his head, "Nothing happened, _nothing_ at all."

"Yes, I believe I established that point when I said that Serena _slept_ over," Chuck smirks. "It was rather obvious that the two of you are still doing this pathetic platonic dance of yours."

"It's what Serena wants," Nate groans falling on the couch with a thud.

"And you are more than happy to oblige her?" Chuck asks.

"It's the only thing I can do," Nate frowns. "It's not like I was even her first choice when she wanted someone. I'm not even sure I deserve to be her first choice."

"If you're suggesting that Dan Humphrey is more suitable for my stepsister than you are, then you are not the man I thought you were." Chuck drawls out slowly.

"He believed in her when we didn't."

"Dan Humphrey will nod and agree with everything Serena says if he thinks that will give him another chance with her, Nathaniel. That doesn't mean he understands anything about her."

"He's not a bad guy…."

"He's common, and he doesn't belong with our kind." Chuck frowns.

"Someone's been spending time with Blair again," Nate smirks.

"What I do with my time is none of your concern."

Nate rolls his eyes, "Whatever, but for the record, you and Blair should give it another shot, like a real shot.. It just works, the two of you, kind of like me and Serena," he shrugs.

"You're talking like a five year old girl that believes Disney movies are reality, Nate. It truly breaks my heart to see that Serena has turned you into such a pathetic sap."

"Serena hasn't turned me into anything," Nate frowns standing to his feet. He's about to speak again, defend his feelings, but a pounding at the door stops him.

He walks swiftly to the door, hoping who ever is at the door doesn't wake up Serena. When he opens it, he finds Dan, standing in front of him tapping his foot nervously.

"Man, what are you doing here?"

"Have you heard from Serena?" He asks as he pushes past him and walks in. "We were suppose to have breakfast hours ago, but she never showed, and I've been calling and texting for hours and she hasn't answered. I called Blair and she said she never came home last night, and for me to call you, but I did, and you didn't answer either…" Dan rambles.

"Dude, stop, breathe, and listen," Nate speaks shaking his head. "Serena is fine."

"Yeah? Wait, how do you know?"

"She's here." Nate speaks slowly.

"Here?" Dan asks. "Here now?"

Nate watches as his eyes get wide, and turns back to see Chuck smirking from his seat. "Dude, it's no big deal. We went to this concert last night, and got in late, so she just decided to crash here."

"She just crashed here?"

"Yeah, she's in bed now," Nate nods. "Her phone died last night, and I guess mine is on silent or something. It's all cool though."

"So she stayed here…." Dan begins and then stops.

Nate watches as Dan looks around, his mind obviously spinning. He knows Dan wants to know what happened; it's obvious from the look on his face. "Think I said that already dude…"

"Natie…Is someone here?"

Nate's head turns, and he's sure Dan's does to, as he sees Serena stepping out of his bedroom, still in his pajama's yawning.

"Dan?" She questions wiping her eyes groggily.

"We were supposed to have breakfast….And you didn't show, so I was worried…" Dan begins.

"Oh." She speaks. "I'm sorry, we just got in so late, and I was so tired, so we just fell asleep," she begins. "And my phone totally died on the way home."

"And the two of you," Dan speaks gesturing between Nate and Serena, "Just fell asleep? Together, in Nate's bed?"

"That's exactly what we did," Nate speaks stepping over to Serena.

Nate watches as Chuck stands to his feet slowly and steps over to where they are, "Forgive me for intruding, but I didn't realize you were currently dating my sister Humphrey," he speaks. "As I recall, she decided to forgo dating you so that she could have time to herself, correct?"

"No one asked you Bass," Dan huffs.

"I just wanted to make sure all parties knew where they stood," Chuck smiles, "Now, I have a important business meeting to attend. Serena, Nathanial, I will see you both tonight at Blair's dinner party," Chuck adds, "Dan, goodbye."

Nate has to hold back a smile as Chuck nods in his direction and walks back into his bedroom shutting the door behind him.

"Look Dan, nothing happened last night," Serena frowns. "I'll make breakfast up to you soon though okay?"

"It's fine Serena, I was just worried," Dan speaks lowering his head.

It's a lie, Nate knows that everything is far from fine as far as Dan is concerned. Even if he believes them, he doesn't like what he's hearing. It's almost like he can hear Blair in his head, telling him that this would happen. Sometimes, he swears he thinks Blair is like a physic or a genius because she just really knew her stuff sometimes.

"So we're cool?" He hears Serena ask Dan.

"Yeah, we're cool," Dan nods.

"How did you even know I was here?" Serena asks.

"When I called Blair, she told me to ask Nate where you were," Dan shrugs.

Of course she did, Nate thinks to himself. Leave it to Blair to stir things up with just a few words. "Like I said man, guess my phone was on silent. Sorry for freaking you out."

"Yeah, sure, no problem," Dan nods. "Anyway, I guess I"ll get out of here. Unless you want me to wait on you?" He asks Serena.

She looks from him to Nate and frowns, "I still need to grab a shower, I'll just text you when I get home," she speaks with a tiny smile. "That okay?"

"Yeah, it's fine," Dan breaths. "I'll talk to you then."

Nate watches as Dan turns to leave, barely acknowledging him with a nod and frowns as he shuts the door behind him. "Wow." He says under his breath.

"I don't think he believed us," Serena groans.

"Yeah, it was a little awkward…" Nate answers honestly. "But we told the truth."

"We did."

"Do you think he's mad?" Serena asks.

"He'll get over it S," he promises. "Besides, Chuck was right, you're not dating him, you know? Don't worry about it."

"Natie…I'm sorry."

He looks at her and realizes that her eyes suddenly look sad. "Sorry?"

"For kissing Dan…that night… when we were together." She whispers. "I, I'm sorry about that."

He wants to say a lot of things, like how it doesn't matter anymore, because all he we wants to do now is forget everything and kiss her again like before. He wants to tell her, that they can fix anything, everything, but he knows he can't do that, not yet."

"Totally forgotten," he says instead. "A lot of things happened, but it's all over now."

"Yeah?"

"I told you, I'm here Serena, I'm going to always be here." He smiles.

"Yeah, I just wish sometimes…" her voice trails and his heart beats faster suddenly, but then she stops and looks up at him and smiles nervously, "Thanks Natie."

"For what?" Nate asks.

"For being you," She answers simply. "For letting us, be us again."

He smiles and wraps his arms around her waist, "S, who else would we be, if we weren't us?"

"It's just nice." She smiles warmly relaxing against him, "Last night was awesome."

"Yeah, it really was."

"Almost like old times," she grins.

"Something like that maybe," he smiles. "Not _quite_ like old times though…" He adds with a wink.

"Natie!" She speaks smacking him on the arm. "I'm hungry," she adds without missing a beat.

He just laughs at her, "We have Pop Tarts," he smiles grabbing her hand, "And those chocolate filled Toaster Strudel's you like…" he adds as he pulls her to the kitchen.

"Do you have Chex Mix?" She asks with a grin.

"For breakfast?" Nate asks.

"I like it," she speaks with a shrug.

"Yeah S, I have Chex Mix," he chuckles. "If Chuck didn't have it tossed out…"

"He's so weird," Serena giggles.

He just shakes his head and agrees. He thinks later he'll make a phone call to Blair, make sure she doesn't have any more surprises up her sleeve concerning his love life. Or you know explain to her that next time, he'd really like a warning first. But for now, Serena's hand is in his and she's talking about her favorite types of Chex Mix, and he thinks that maybe, just maybe it's a step in the right direction.


	5. and you're the one that knows me best

Serena likes the time she spends with Dan. She likes that he has always felt like a fresh start. She knows he's aware of her past, but he wasn't there, he didn't actually see it, so whens he's with him, there is no reminders of the girl she used to be. He makes her feel like maybe, just maybe, she can be anyone she wants to be, and she has to admit, that's kinda nice. She doesn't really like most of the movies he watches though, or the video games they play. She's way better at Mario Kart and the games Nate brings over than these sports and shooting games. It's just that the games Nate always asks her to play are _fun_, and make her laugh. Maybe it's just because Nate has known her for so long, he just knows what she likes or something….

"…so anyway, you can imagine how bad I freaked out when Jenny sent me the pics of the purple streaks in her hair. I think she was using that to soften the blow of the tattoo though. Seriously, it's like she thinks she some rock star or something…."

"Purple hair?" She asks suddenly, looking over at Dan.

"And we heard all of three words in that conversation," he says with a small laugh.

"Sorry, I guess I was distracted."

"You've kind of been that way all night," Dan nods.

"Yeah, guess I didn't sleep much last night," Serena shrugs.

"Oh? Something wrong?"

"No," she smiles. "Nate stayed over, he had one of his migraines and I made him stay…" She begins but sees the frown on Dan's face and stops, "He stayed in the guest room," she adds, "But I was up most of the night…."

"Nate gets migraines?" He asks. "Didn't know that."

"Yeah," she nods. "He has since we were young. Usually when he's stressed, and I think his parents are really getting to him," she explains. "Anyway, sometimes they can be horrible."

Dan shifts his weight slightly and nods, "Yeah, I've heard that about migraines."

She watches his movements, as he stares back at the television and lets out a tiny sigh. She thinks maybe she shouldn't have mentioned Nate. She just thought if she were honest, he wouldn't get all freaked out about something so simple. The thing is, she's always taken care of Nate when he has his migraines, just being there, being able to help kind of makes her feel important.

"You're upset with me?" She asks bluntly. "Because nothing happened," she adds.

"It's just all awkward sometimes," Dan shrugs. "The whole thing with the three of us. Nate is like, my best friend," he adds, "And then there's you and him, and you and me…."

"Yeah," Serena sighs, "But Dan, I explained that I don't want to date anyone right now….." She frowns. "I thought you were okay with that?"

She watches him nod his head as he falls back on the couch, "Yeah, I am," he speaks after a moment forcing a smile. "So back to the movie?"

She forces a tight smile of her on, "Yeah, sure."

"Serena, I don't want you to think I'm having all these issues or whatever," Dan adds. "It's just a lot to deal with sometimes…."

"I know, and I'm sorry," she whispers. "Things have been intense lately I guess… The whole Juliet thing, and then my mother, it all sucks…"

"So… have you spoken to your mom in the last few days?" Dan asks sitting up slightly.

"No, and I have no plans on speaking with her either," Serena speaks quickly. "I refuse to be like her, and I just need her and all her issues away from me for awhile."

"Yeah," Dan nods, "I get that, it's just at the end of the day, she's still your mom…."

"She's Lily," Serena speaks. "Right now, she's Lily, and it has to be that way, I want it that way."

"And you're sure that's the best thing for you?" Dan asks arching an eyebrow. "Because I know it's hard but she did give birth to you…"

"And she's hurt too many people this time. She's not the kind of person I want in my life."

"She's your mother, the stuff she's done sucks, but she does love you…"

"No." She speaks stiffly. "You don't understand what it's been like with her."

"Yeah, okay, if you're sure.." Dan mutters.

"Yes, I'm positive," she nods. "Look, you have these parents that love you, that are like normal parents, and I get how it's easy for you to forgive them when they hurt you. I don't have that, I've never had that, so you can't understand where I'm coming from. Even your father is furious at her Dan, so please, just drop it."

Dan raises his hands in the air and lets out a sigh, "Consider it dropped."

Serena breathes in and then frowns as she slowly stands to her feet, "You know, maybe we should do this some other night. I think I'm just really tired," she frowns, "I'm not exactly good company right now…"

"You can rest here," Dan offers with a smile. "We can both take a nap…" he begins.

She smiles gently, "It's tempting, but I think I'll just go home and rest."

"Are we okay?" Dan asks standing up. "I won't bring Lily up again, I swear."

"We're good," Serena nods and honestly, they kinda are, it's just she needs to go now, before they say something that causes them to be not good, or something…

"So, I'll call you tomorrow, maybe we can catch a movie or have dinner?"

"Yeah," she nods, "That sounds good."

She gives him a brief hug as he kisses her cheek softly. It's nice, and she thinks if she leaves now, before Nate, or her mom get brought up again, everything will be okay in the morning.

"Sorry tonight was a bust," Dan speaks as he walks her to the door. "I'll do better tomorrow," he promises jokingly.

"Don't worry about it Dan," she smiles faintly. "I'll see you tomorrow," she adds as she takes a deep breath and heads out the door.

* * *

Serena has never been a predictable person, but tonight, she thinks Blair would say that she's the most predictable person alive. She winds up at Nate's place after leaving Dan's, tears in her eyes as thoughts of her mother seem to be engulfing her mind. There is this part of her that thinks that she should have headed home instead, but she can't.

When Nate opens the door clad in sweats pants and a white shirt she can't help but feel better as he looks up at her and smiles, "S, what are you doing here? I thought you had plans with Dan?"

She drops her head and bites her lip, "It didn't turn out so well," she shrugs looking back up at him.

He stands silent for a moment and she watches as he studies her, "What happened?"

"First he got kind of upset when I told him you slept over last night," she frowns.

"Well yeah," Nate nods. "After he found you here the other day that makes sense."

Tears stream down her face, "And then he wanted me to talk to my mother," she whispers. "He said he thought it was a good idea…" She begins.

"This soon? After everything?" He asks.

"Yeah." She nods wiping her eyes. "And I really thought I was going to skip the whole breakdown thing, and just be angry," she adds as more tears fall.

He just shakes his head in reaction, and takes her hand pulling her into the room and shutting the door behind him. "C'mon," he whispers. "It's okay," he speaks wrapping his arms around her. "Dan just doesn't get it."

"I just, I haven't been thinking about it, and it's been good," she mumbles. "And when he brought it up.." her voice fades as Nate pulls back gently and moves his hand to her face, gently wiping the tears from her eyes.

"Hey, it's okay," Nate smiles. "You have to do what feels right for you," he speaks.

"That's what I said," she nods.

"And as usual you're right," he smirks tilting his head slighting to look at her. "Dan's parents might not be perfect, but they're the freaking Cleavers compared to all of ours," he laughs gently.

She smiles softly as Nate leads her over to the couch and wraps his arms around her as they sit down. She rests her head on his shoulder and lets out a sigh, "We really are pretty screwed up, huh?" she asks chuckling.

"The four of us? Totally," Nate nods. "But it kinda works."

"Yeah, guess it does."

It feels nice, having Nate hold her, tell her what she needs to hear. They relax on the couch, as he wraps his arms around her as she snuggles into his chest and lets out a soft sigh. Sometimes when they are together like this, she wonders if she's making the right decision. They just fit so perfect together, and no one knows her like Nate does. Still, there's this fear that she can't shake of losing him again.

"You know, you made an awesome nurse last night," he tells her suddenly.

"Yeah? Well, I try," she smiles. "You're head better now?" She asks bringing a hand to his head, touching it gently for just a moment.

"Still have a light headache," he speaks softly. "Usually do for a couple days after one of those though."

"We're too young to be this stressed," she whines looking up at him.

"We're too young for a lot of things we've been through," he agrees.

"Think it's making us stronger?" She asks honestly.

"I think it's making our shrinks a lot richer," he smiles as he brushes her hair away from her face. "It's okay though, we'll figure it out as we go."

"You're being to sound wise in your old age Archibald," she giggles gently against him.

"Was that a compliment or an insult?" He speaks with a laugh on his breath.

"Compliment I suppose…."

She can feel him smile against her as he runs his fingers playfully up and down her arm. She looks up at him, into eyes so bright she swears it would be so easy to get lost in them. They stare at each other for a moment, and there is a part of her that just wants to kiss him. He's looking down at her, his fingers still gently rubbing her arm and she can't help but sigh gently. She's missed the way he makes her feel, but if she goes there, she can't come back from it.

"S," he speaks his voice strangled, "We should…" he begins letting out a breath as he moves his hand away from her arm.

"Yeah," she speaks for him forcing herself to sit up.

"Ice Cream?" He suggests, "We should go for ice cream," he finally gets out sitting up with her.

"Ice Cream is good," she agrees quickly. "Big fan of it actually."

He smiles at her knowingly as he shakes his head and stands to his feet offering her a hand to help her up, "We are _so_ screwed up."

"Yeah," she nods biting her lip again through her own smile, "But it works for us right?"

He stares at her for what feels like forever and she can't help but say a silent prayer that he agrees with her. Finally, his smile spreads a little and he nods, "Yeah S, it works."


	6. the hard part is holding on

"You almost kissed?"

"I think so."

"You _think_ you almost kissed?"

"Well yeah, there was like this moment."

"Define moment."

"Eyes locked, total silence, I don't know a moment."

"And then?"

"Then we went out for ice cream."

"You disappoint me daily Archibald."

"Dude, I was doing what you said!"

"First of all, I think we can both confirm that I am no _dude_, secondly, how did you do what I said?"

"You told me to be her friend, not to push her, and I assumed kissing her in that moment would just freak her out."

Blair lets out a huff as she looks across the table at Nate. He had texted her earlier and wanted to meet for lunch and now as she listens to his story, she can't help but wonder why she allowed herself to get caught up in his and Serena's relationship.

"Okay fine, you make a valid point."

"Dan just had her so upset about her mom and he's all mad about all the time I spend with her…" Nate rattles.

"Wait, he's already complaining about you?" Blair smiles.

"Well, yeah I guess. You didn't help matters sending him over the other morning looking for Serena," he groans. "If you had saw the look on his face when Serena came walking out of my bedroom."

"I do wish someone had taken a photo," Blair smiles.

"I'm glad you find this all so amusing, but seriously next time? Warn a person."

"Whatever, the point is my plan is working much faster than I expected," Blair grins.

"I'm not scheming with you Blair…"

"Scheming? Who said anything about scheming? I simply gave you a few pointers, and you took them. I see no scheming in that."

"Maybe I should have just kissed her," Nate groans. "She was right there, and I totally could have made my move…"

"But instead you thought better of it. Perhaps there's hope for you yet."

Nate rolls his eyes at her and lets out a loud sigh, "It just sucks! When she's with Dan, I'm all freaked that something is going to happen, and then when she's with me, things feel almost perfect again."

"Nothing is happening between Serena and Dan Humphrey, I can assure you of that," Blair smiles.

"They have a history…"

"No, they _are_ history," Blair speaks firmly.

"I just wished she'd realize that we're supposed to be together," Nate frowns.

"Patience Nathaniel, things are happening just as I expected."

"Tell that to the headaches I keep having," he mutters. "You can't know for sure what Serena is going to do. That's the thing about her, no one ever knows what she's going to do."

"Just don't give up on her yet Nate," Blair offers.

"I'm not." Nate shrugs. "Honestly at this point, I don't think I know how to give up on her," he laughs gently. "Every time I try, she sucks me back in."

"I know the feeling," Blair sighs.

"Chuck?" Nate asks as he stares down at his drink and then back up again. "Blair, if you want Chuck you can have him. He loves you, all you have to do is say the word."

"Sometimes love is far more complicated than that," Blair speaks back. "Chuck and I will be together, in time."

"Time isn't guaranteed," Nate shrugs. "I know you hate how Serena and I always live in the moment, but sometimes that's all you've got."

"Who are you quotes .com?" Blair groans. "This isn't about my relationship with Chuck, we came here today to discuss you and Serena. I can handle my affairs, but obviously you need a little help."

"Do you have any idea how hard it is to be so close to her all time? When I'm holding her I'm remembering what it used to feel like, and that's all I can think about. Her lips, her….."

"Stop!" Blair commands putting her hand in the air. Don't finish that sentence."

Nate smirks a little and then his smile fades, as he looks her in the eyes, "I love her Blair. I love her so freaking much."

"And you shall have her," Blair knows she shouldn't make promises she can't keep, but there's this look in Nate's eyes that causes her to speak before she can stop herself. She's always known that someday Serena and Nate would be together for the long haul, but now she realizes, it's time for her to make things happen now.

* * *

Blair knows she should not meddle in other people's lives, but honestly most of the time she really doesn't care. The thing is, making sure Serena finds her way back to Nate, gives her something to do. When she's listening to Nate whine about his life long love for Serena, she doesn't have to think about Chuck.

She gets a Gossip Girl blast on her phone one day while she's at the coffee shop waiting on Serena. It's a picture of Serena and Nate holding hands walking through a snowy park. There are other photos that follow, Serena and Nate sharing coffee, Serena and Nate laughing as they stare at each other all longingly, and finally, one of Nate gently placing a kiss on Serena's forehead. The blast has it's usual wording, S, and N, together again, blah, blah, blah, none of that really means much to Blair. What does mean something is that Humphrey is standing in line paying for his coffee, staring at the same photos. Sometimes, life is just, so, so good to her.

"Humphrey," She speaks letting the words fall from her lips slowly as he turns around to glare at her. "Imagine seeing you here…"

"Are you attempting to start a conversation with me Blair?" Dan asks as he walks over to her table.

"Perhaps," she shrugs. "I was waiting for Serena, but apparently I've been stood up," she frowns holding her phone out in front of her. "I suppose Nate is better company…"

"Of course," Dan speaks with a tight smile, "I should have known this is why you were talking to me."

"Excuse me?" Blair asks with an innocent smile, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Of course you don't. I get it Blair, Serena and Nate are hanging out right now…"

"No, Serena and Nate are frolicking through New York hand in hand, while you stand here and talk to me," she smiles. "Tell me Humphrey, when you and Serena are together these days, do you hold hands and whisper sweet nothing in each others ears?" Blair asks. "Because according to photo #4, that's exactly what Serena and Nate are doing…."

"I'm perfectly aware that Serena and Nate are still very good friends," Dan shrugs. "I am friends with both of them, it's not a big deal."

"You're a horrible liar," Blair smiles. "Look, because I no longer detest you, I'm going to give you some friendly advice, Serena and Nate will never be just friends. It's not who they are, and when you realize this, life will be much easier for everyone involved."

"Serena and I have a special relationship as well."

"Of course you do," Blair speaks smugly, "You're siblings, I'm sure a relationship like that causes a very special bond."

"Seriously Blair, sometimes…sometimes…" Dan begins but lets out a frustrated sigh as his words hang.

"I left you speechless _there_? Really Humphrey if can't do any better than that, I'm actually a little insulted."

"Serena chose me." Dan says bluntly. "When it came down to a choice between Nate and I, I was the one she wanted. Honestly Blair, I think that says it all."

"And then when she had time to think, she took it back," Blair smiles. "Now she spends practically every waking moment with Nate."

"Whatever," Dan shrugs. "Serena and I, we're good."

"Of course you are." Blair nods.

"Why am I even having this conversation with you? It's none of your business."

"Oh Humphrey, when are you going to learn? Everything is my business, if I choose it to be," Blair smiles.

"I can handle my business Blair…"

"Yes well, good luck with that."

Dan rolls his eyes at her as he starts to go. "Later Blair."

"Good day Humphrey."

* * *

Blair's sitting on the stairs when Serena gets home that night. She knows it makes her look motherly, but she doesn't care. She's thought a lot about Serena's situation today and she knows she has to say something. So when the door opens and Serena walks with her normal giddy smile, Blair is waiting, with a disgruntled look on her face.

"I'm sorry, did I miss my curfew mom?" Serena asks with a grin on her face.

"Not funny," Blair speaks.

"Really? I thought it was." Serena shrugs. "Okay Blair, what's up? Are you mad about me forgetting about our plans today? I'm really sorry about that, seriously."

"Oh please, as if that would really bother me." Blair shrugs. "But while I was waiting for you at the coffee shop, I did run into Dan."

"Dan? Really?"

"Yes, about the same time the Gossip Girl blast went off, of you and Nate strolling through New York, all caught up in whatever it is you two are calling this 'thing' you have."

"Oh," Serena frowns. "How did Dan take that?"

"He lied to me, and tried to act like it didn't bother him," Blair shrugs. "Serena, it's time for you to choose."

Serena sits down on the stairs beside her and sighs, "I already chose, I chose no one remember?"

"And yet you continue to hang out with both of them and give them false hope? Really Serena, who are you fooling? Both Nate and Humphrey are still hoping that you love them."

"They said they were fine with the way things are."

"They are men S, they lie."

"But…"

"Honestly, tell me things haven't gotten complicated, tell me truthfully that this situation is working for you right now?"

She watches as Serena drops her head, "I almost kissed Nate the other night."

Blair smiles, "That isn't a bad thing S."

"I really thought I could just be friends with them B," she sighs. "I did, and then I started hanging out with Nate, and it's been amazing. We have so much fun together, and he just knows me and it's weird."

"Weird?"

"Well yeah, because when I did pick someone, I chose Dan, and I was certian at the time. Then I unchose and things with Nate just fell into place... Like, he doesn't care that I'm a dork, or that I like to act like a kid sometimes.. He has always loved me, even with all my flaws... I just I thought it was Dan when I picked him, because he doesn't know old Serena, and he believes in who I am now," Serena rambles. "I just don't know though, because Nate, he believes in me, in all of me, like the screwed up me, and the good me and he's always been there, always knows what I need and..." She stops mid-sentence and lets out a deep breath.

"And you love him."

"Maybe…."

"And Dan?" Blair asks.

"I care about him _so_ much! And things felt so unfinished last time, but now, things are just different."

"Because of Nate?"

"Maybe, I don't know."

"You have to choose, once and for all, you need to decide what you want," Blair smiles. "Be happy S, be in love, just please, pick _one_ of them and be happy with that _one_ guy," she adds with a laugh.

"Even if it's Dan?" Serena asks arching a eyebrow.

"I suppose…" Blair nods with a smirk.

"It's just so confusing, I mean when I almost kissed Nate, it just felt right. But B, I can't loose him, I just, I need him in my life. If things don't work out this time…."

"Serena, you will never, ever loose Nate. He's here, like it or not, he isn't going anywhere. The guy adores you, always has, and if it doesn't work, he'll still be here."

"That's what he says."

"Then why not trust him?" Blair asks patting Serena gently on the arm.

"I really thought I could do this, just be friends with them."

"It's not fair to either of them, the way things are now," Blair nods.

"Yeah." Serena frowns. "B, this sucks."

"Indeed it does," Blair smiles. "But I think we both know what you need to do."

""Run away?" Serena asks half jokingly.

"Never again," Blair warns. "It's time to stop running from what you feel, and finally let one of those men go…."

"Are you ready to stop running from what you feel for Chuck?"

Blair sighs, "I'm not running, I know I love Chuck and I know that one day we'll be together. I need to make it by myself first though. You on the other hand, it's time for you to decide."

"I think I need to sleep on it," Serena frowns standing up slowly.

"You already know what you want S," Blair smiles.

"Yes, but doing what has to be done is the hard part," Serena nods.

"You can do it, I know you can."

"Thanks B."

"That's what I'm here for," Blair offers as Serena turns to walk off. She smiles to herself as she stands to her feet, things are going to work out just fine, she thinks, for everyone she loves.


	7. and you're my constant

Serena has never been good at making important decisions. Running on the other hand? She's been excellent at that. Sometimes she feels like she's been running so long, she doesn't know how to stop. She's ended so many relationships in her life because it was the easiest thing to do. She's hurt people, hurt herself, by bolting when things get hard, and she knows she can't do it anymore.

The thing is she loves both Dan and Nate, like seriously loves them, just in totally different ways. When she thinks about Dan, she thinks of new beginnings, second chances, and butterflies she's never felt before. And really, it's an amazing feeling, having someone love you for who you are now, because they never knew who you then. He was her first real try at normal, and normal, it feels really nice. For the longest time she thought she could really make it work, really love this guy forever, but now, now she's not sure.

See the thing is, there's always been a Nate. He's her constant, her rock, he's always been there, through everything, wearing a smile, holding out a hand, even when he should have walked away. He gets her, gets why she is who she is, and he just shrugs it off, brushes her hair out of face, and _stays_. There have never been butterflies with Nate, but there have been goose bumps, and fire, lots of fire. He can melt her heart with a look, and turn the worst day ever, into one of the best, with just a simple phone call. It all means so much, and she knows, that they have so much more they need to explore.

She's eating her breakfast when she looks up to see Eric standing in the door smiling. "I received a text from Blair, saying there was drama in Serenaville…"

"I have a decision to make," she frowns. "I can't believe she texted you."

"Apparently I need to speak to you about doing the right thing…" Eric smiles. "So, this decision, am I to assume it's deciding between Nate and Dan?"

"You are good little brother," she nods. "I just didn't realize this would be so hard…"

"So you don't know who you want?" Eric asks.

Serena sighs, "Well, I believe I do, I mean, I'm almost positive that I do, it's just very hard to think about closing a door for good…"

"You make it sound so final." Eric smiles, "Do you really think either of those guys will walk away from you?"

"I don't know." She shrugs. "But everything will change," she sighs. "Because this time, this is it, really, really it, you know? So yeah, it is kinda final."

"Wow." Eric sighs.

"I know. Sometimes I wonder how I get myself into these messes…" Serena groans.

"I've been wondering that about you for most of my life,' Eric smiles.

"Not funny," Serena pouts. "This is a really tough thing for me to do…"

"Well if it helps, at least you are deciding between the two best guys you've ever dated," Eric shrugs. "You can't really go wrong as long as you follow your heart."

"Maybe, but no matter what I do, someone will be hurt, and it just sucks that I have to be the one that does that…"

"Well you are the one they are both in love with," Eric nods. "And while Blair sent me here to tell you _who_ to choose, I will simply say this, you know who you love already, just be honest with yourself, and everyone involved and everything will work out."

"It's that simple?" Serena asks.

"Nothing is simple in Serenaville," he jokes. "But I'm sure over time things will work themselves out."

"I really hope so…" Serena nods. "I think maybe that's what's took me so long to decide. I don't want to lose either one of them."

"But you do love one of them, and doesn't he deserve to know that?"

"Yeah, I guess he does."

"And believe it or not, you do deserve to be in a happy healthy relationship."

Serena smiles at the comment, "I do don't I?"

"Yes, you do."

* * *

She makes plans with Nate for later in the day, and then gets a call from Dan to hang out that night. It's weird, kind of insane even, that all of this is happening, maybe, she thinks, the insane part is that it's all finally coming to an end.

When she gets to Nate's he opens the door with that huge smile of his and suddenly the day just feels nice. He wraps his arms around her and pulls her to him, and she laughs against him like she's done so many times before.

"So, hi." She smiles staring into his eyes.

"Hi yourself," he grins. "I was pretty stoked when you called… Was kinda worried things were going all weird for us again.." He begins.

"Weird?"

"Yeah," he speaks as he shuts the door behind her. "Because of the other night, but you know, maybe I shouldn't have mentioned that?" He speaks lowering his head. "Because now I've just made things all awkward right? Yeah, I really shouldn't have mentioned that…."

Serena just smiles at him, "You mean because we almost kissed? No, Natie, things are not awkward."

"Yeah? Good." Nate laughs. "Because I don't ever want things to be weird for us again. You're too important to me."

"I feel the same way," she smiles.

"And I just want to make sure you know I'm cool with doing things your way…" Nate adds with a smile.

"Really?" Serena asks.

"Well…" Nate smirks, "Most of the time."

"How would we do things if we did them your way?" She asks arching an eyebrow as his eyes widen a little..

"Serena.." He smiles dropping his head, "That's not a place we need to go right now."

"No?"

"No."

"Okay, if you say so."

"I do." Nate nods. "Because we're doing us, and we can't complicate that…You don't want to complicate it right?"

She's silent for a moment, because he's staring at her and she just wants to drink in the moment for some reason. "Yeah, right." She finally speaks.

"Right." He nods shuffling a bit to the side as he lets out a sigh. "So you look amazing, have I told you that yet? But you always look amazing…"

"Natie," she laughs and she knows she's blushing so she just looks away, "You always look amazing too."

"We were just born that way…" He jokes.

"You were maybe," she laughs. "This? It takes work."

"Not true," Nate laughs. "You wake up just as beautiful as you are now…" he speaks wrapping his arms around her waist loosely.

"Umhmm sure…"

"Ok, so maybe there was that one time…" He teases.

"One time?" Serena asks.

"I might have waked up and found you drooling in your sleep…" He grins. "Not your best moment, but you still looked adorable."

"I do not drool in my sleep Archibald!" She shrieks smacking him on the arm gently.

He just laughs at her as he pulls her over to the couch and they sit down, "I kinda think you do…"

"Ok maybe…Sometimes I swear you know too much about me…"

"That's not a bad thing," Nate smiles. "I love that you know? That we've literally grew up together, and when I think about all the amazing things in my life, you were somehow always there, always part of them…"

"Natie…" She whispers.

"It's true S, you are part of every chapter of my life," he shrugs.

She feels her heart speed up as she looks at him, "I don't think I've ever thought of it that way… Every chapter huh?" She asks. "Not all of those have been good." She frowns.

"Every book has its ups and downs…" He shrugs. "It's the way it ends that matters."

She lets out a tiny laugh, "Wow, that's very…deep."

"Hey, I can be deep!" He smirks. "I rock at deep."

"Yeah you do…" She speaks nodding her head. "Hey Natie?"

"Yeah?"

"This book, with all the chapters," she speaks slowly. "How does it end?"

There's just something about the way he looks at her, so honest and sincere that makes her heart melt. "I don't know," he shrugs honestly and then he tilts his head again and bites his lip a little, "You tell me."

All Serena can do is smile, because for the first time in a long time, she thinks she might actually know the answer to that one herself. "It ends great," she speaks, "But it's far from over…"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah," she nods. "In fact I have a feeling the good stuff is just getting started."

Nate stares at her for a moment and tilts his head, "You know something I don't?" He asks.

"Maybe…" She grins.

"You want to let me in on it?"

"No," she laughs gently. "Not yet."

He just stares at her and she knows, more than ever before that she's made the right decision and honestly, it feels amazing.

* * *

She shows up at Dan's place early, because she's nervous, and really just wants to tell him what she's feeling. She knocks on the door and takes a deep breathe, because this is one of the hardest things she's had to do in a while.

When Dan opens the door he's smiling at her, and for a second she remembers when his smile used to make her heart flutter.

"Serena van der Woodsen early for once?" Dan jokes. "I think I'm in shock."

"Funny." She laughs.

"Seriously, this never happens." Dan smiles.

"Maybe I'm trying something new."

"New can be good," Dan nods.

Walking into Dan's place, she looks around. So many memories flood her mind and she knows it would be easy to get lost in them.

"Do you think," She begins looking over at Dan, "Do you think we could talk?"

"There's a sentence that never ends well," Dan speaks sticking his hands in his pockets. "So, what's going on?"

"I just, I've been thinking about a lot of things," she begins. "About things I've said, ideas I had, and I guess I realized, things weren't working the way I thought they would…"

"Serena, you're confusing me," Dan frowns. "What things?"

"Just being friends with you and Nate," she sighs. "I thought that could work."

"And you don't think it has?"

"Do you think it has?" She asks honestly.

"Well other than my obvious jealousy and Nate's insecurities I'd say it's worked quite well," he grins.

"Exactly."

"Did you really think you could just be friends with two guys who have been in love with you for years?" Dan asks her with a sad smile.

"I don't know…I thought, maybe…"

"It was easier than choosing perhaps?" Dan speaks causing her to nod.

"Yeah, it was." Serena frowns. "That makes me sound like a terrible person doesn't it?"

"Serena no," Dan speaks walking over and touching her arm. "You were put in a very confusing position."

"And I took the easy way out," she shrugs.

"Well to be fair, you did make a decision." Dan smiles.

"Yes, I picked you," She agrees, "And then I took it back."

"Blow to the ego, I'll admit," Dan jokes but the smile fades from his face quickly. "Have you decided again?" He asks.

Serena lets out a sigh, "I have."

There's a seriousness to Dan as he steps back and stares her in the eyes, "It's not me is it?"

"Dan…" She begins and then she drops her head, "No."

"I kinda thought this might happen." Dan swallows. "Nate, huh?"

"Yeah."

Dan nods his head, "For how long?"

She glares at him for a moment and then realizes that maybe his question is justified, "For good."

"Yeah? He's loved you for forever you know," Dan speaks honestly.

"I know."

"So can I ask, why him?"

"I love him." She says simply.

"Oh. So why didn't you choose him the first time?" Dan asks.

"I don't know," she frowns. "I guess maybe I was scared."

"Serena, you've dated him before, what was there to be scared of?"

"Loosing him for good," she shrugs. "I can't do that, he's…he's Nate, and I can't, _not_ have in my life. I don't know how to do that," she answers honestly. "And maybe that's why I know now that he's the one I want to be with. If I can't imagine being without him, then I should be _with_ him, you know?"

"I think I understand," Dan sighs.

"We know everything about each other," she shrugs, "We've seen each other go to deep dark places, and come back from them, and even through all of that, we still love each other. Dan, you are amazing, and I can't imagine my life without you in it either," she frowns, "But with Natie, it's more than that. He knows me, the simple me, the silly me, the me that doesn't think things through, and he loves me regardless. And I, I know him, all sides of him, and it just...works."

"Yeah, I see that." Dan nods.

"I'm sorry," Serena frowns. "Honestly, you don't know how long I fought with this, because what we had, it was special too…"

"You're in love with Nate," Dan speaks with a tiny smile. "It's okay Serena."

"It is?" She asks.

Dan laughs a little, "I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hoping for another chance with you, but I don't want to be with someone that wants someone else," he answers. "Nate is a great guy, and I know he wants to make you happy."

"So are we….ok?" Serena asks.

"Yeah," Dan nods. "Serena, we're family, and you're always going to be one of my best friends. That won't change."

"Promise?" Serena asks with a smile.

"Of course I do," he speaks as he pulls her into a hug and with a smile on her face Serena knows now that everything is finally going to be alright.


End file.
